How to deal with difficult people?

A positive thinker must always see the best in others. If you always see the best in others, you will be happy to work or deal with everyone. Hating people only wasting your energy and make you depressed. Practice this; smile, say hello, call the people with his/her own name, and ask how are they doing today? By doing this simple things, believe me you will happier and energetic, in addition you may get new friends.

However, in my life i have had faced many people that i think really difficult to be dealt with. They never accept others ideas, in other words we must follow them, some of them only give critics and want to spoil our plans, the worst was when they asked other people not to join or help us. Most of these people actually failed to get what they want because of their attitudes and as the result the become worst. Some of them i found just want more attention, and try to show leadership in a wrong way. I tried to see the best in these arrogant people, learn the reason why he was being so arrogant and felt very superior. once i knew the reason, I felt pity for them, but i could not just follow them.

Have you faced such people? You want to deliver your idea, but because you afraid of them you just keep it, or you got a better idea but you must follow such people ideas because they act more superior than you.What you should do to make these people to follow you and get impressed with you?

Urmm, I tell you why people become arrogant. It is the first step to understand them before you dealing with this type difficult people. What is arrogance? Arrogance is a defense mechanism used to prevent further criticism. If someone had very bad childhood and if he was hurt by others he may develop arrogance in order to prevent further criticism from hurting him, the trick usually works, because if someone criticized him he can simply devalue him and assume that he is worthless.

Arrogant behavior can be a result of feeling neglected. If someone felt that he is not getting all the attention he deserves, he may unconsciously become arrogant just to attract some of the lost attention.

Arrogant people are single minded, they either think that they are superior to others or inferior to them. This arrogant person who is intimidating you feels inferior to someone else because this is how his mind works, this arrogance may be nothing more than a way to cover inferiority he experiences when dealing with someone else.

Dealing with an arrogant person is much easier than you think. Just treat him as if he is not superior, I am not asking you to ignore him, just treat him as if he is like the other normal people and this will be enough to let him avoid you. The arrogant person is carving for attention so if you ignored him you will remind him of his old wound and this will let him forget about his superiority when dealing with you. Impressing an arrogant person is very simple, just convince him that you can do something that is of importance to him better than him and he will become impressed.

That what i always do when dealing with them, and most of the times it really works and i even can be friend with them in the end.

Actually there are many types of difficult people, I will write about them in my next article.

Hard Life Simple Mind.

Why Hard Life Simple Mind?

I should write this on October 18, when i started this blog. 3 months a go i got a blog titled brain stew(no longer existed) because some technical problem i had in changing it's layout. It was a lost for me because, i got #1 position and appeared in first page in Google Search for my targeted keywords, with the fact that i never knew what SEO is, i only realized it when i deleted the blog. I found this blog still hard to appear in first page of Google Search.

Hard life but Simple Mind

Why i named this blog hard life simple mind? Our life is hard, there are a lot of problem, small or big. in fact, sometimes we do not realize that some matters will cause us problem. In love or relationship for instance, there are many many problem can arise without we notice, such as openness and honesty:
we may think that. being honest is enough, just tell the truth when your partner ask and not lying to them is sufficient in safeguarding your relationship, read my article about it and you will know why, honesty alone is not enough. If you are an over sensitive person, you may get hurt easily by the people words, but the sad thing is you did not realize that you are an over sensitive person. So were the people around you, they may not realize that they are dealing with an over sensitive person, that their criticism will give the over sensitive person a hard-to-heal-emotional wound. Read my article about over sensitivity to find out more. You may think that your life is as smooth as yopu plan, but sometimes it is not. i share a lot of tips, to overcome your problem in life and make you realize that sometimes a small issue may cause you big problem.
Why mind is simple? i read about and practice mind power a lot. I just found that our mind is really simple, friendly to the user, but at the same time very powerful. Once i watched a David Blaine program, he said he only used 17% of his mind power to stay in cold water. In a research i read, most people only use not more than 10% of it's full capacity. what happened if we use 100%? can you imagine? Why your mind is simple but powerful? If you asked the most successful person in your place, What do we need to be successful? Most of them will answer your desire,determination, confidence and believe in your self etc, the almost same answers always. They will never give an answer such as; you need a degree/master/phd or money or supportive family or talent etc.
So where the desire,determination, and believe come from? YOUR MIND! It's very simple but your mind can be the source of everything. Just think big and positive i believe there's is always something for you, if not money or rank may be it's happiness. Very simple isn't?

However you must remember, aw what John C. Maxwell, a famous writer in his book, Your Road Map for Success, said, A person with positive attitude but have no dreams will be stagnant and never develop in life, but a person with dreams but have no positive attitude will only be a daydreamer.

Hard life Simple Mind

why do things never work for you?

why you always fail? disappointed? you try very hard but still didn't reach your goal.. well, i just want to share stories of great peoples that learn from their failure to get more..

Thomas Edison failed nine hundred ninety nine times before he succeeded at inventing the lamp. On the 1000th trial!!! When he was asked how he managed to continue trying in spite of failing all those times, he told them: "Whenever it didn't work, I would never say that I failed. I just say that I've found another incorrect way to make the lamp".

Another story regarding sports, it was previously thought that a man can never run a mile in less than 4 minutes. That belief was there for years, that no one ever dared to doubt its correctness. That was until Roger Banister proved that this was not true, by running a mile in less than 4 minutes. Just after that in the same year another 37 runners broke the record, followed by hundreds later.
What's interesting here is that if anyone of those runners had tried hard enough before Banister, he could have done it. But they all gave up to the belief and didn't try enough times because they thought trying was useless in this case. "Why bother with something impossible ?" they thought.

More examples: Henry Ford lost all of his fortune 6 times, and each time he did bounce back and rebuild his empire.
Walt Disney's idea of creating a cartoon character called "Mickey Mouse" was rejected more than 5 times, until he managed to find someone who supported the idea and then Mickey came to life.
English novelist John Creasey got 753 rejection slips before he published 564 books.

Actually, i feel very bad because earlier today i failed to answer my exam paper according to what i'd expected. i didn't know how to answer a question that should be given me 30 marks. That caused a lot to my result, i don't even sure whether i can pass that paper or not. i was totally disappointed that's why i read stories about people that learn from their past failure, i hope i can learn something from this mistake. Billy Lim, Writer of the book Dare To Fail said, 'you will never be successful unless you had experienced the failure.' Think about it!

The Easiest Way To Get Self Confidence

I got this tip from my Email sent by Noel, i publish his story in my previous post. He give me a tip to be more confidence, about self image, and I'm sharing it here, thats what the tips suppose to; help people!

Your self-image is the mental blueprint you have of
yourself.

This blueprint lays the foundation for where you are going
in life.

You won't be able to rise any higher than your self-image,
so this is the place to begin, so that you will have enough
confidence to move forward in your life.

If your confidence is low right now, it's sometimes easier
to focus on your outer self in order to improve your inner
self and get more confidence.

Take a look at your wardrobe. If you usually dress very
casually or even sloppily, try to upgrade.

If you always wear jeans, wear some black pants once in a
while.

If your shoes are very scuffed and dirty, get some new ones.

If you are female and never wear a dress, consider getting
a comfortable everyday dress and try wearing it once a week.

Even making a small improvement in your wardrobe will boost
your confidence; people will notice and compliment you.

Another thing is to improve your physical surroundings.

No, you don't have to start subscribing to Martha Stewart's
magazine. But if you take care to have a tidy desk, you
will feel more at ease and be more productive, which will
boost your confidence.

Set aside half a day or an entire day if you need to and
purge the clutter in your immediate surroundings.

Clean out your car too if necessary.

All of these suggestions are things you can do instantly.

They require little or no money; they don't demand that you
first lose weight or get in shape.
Look for other instant ways to improve your surroundings
and your world.

well, i guess you got to have more self discipline to practice the tips, but it's easy and practical. What do you think about the tip?

First Step In Becoming More Confidence

What is the first step should be taken to be more confidence of yourself? I'm not giving any tips in this post, but i want to share a story of Noel, one of my Email pal about the first times he received a huge dose of self-confidence. i believe you will find something in his story.

I remember one of the first times I received a huge dose of
self-confidence.

I was a shy kid and never raised my hand in class. Without
fail, my teachers would mention this on my report card and
during parent teacher conferences.

One teacher even insisted on a reward system. Every time I
raised my hand in class she'd give me a plastic coin. After
accumulating a certain number of them, my mom bought me a
stuffed dog.

That all changed in fifth grade. My teacher was a
laid-back, caring woman from New Zealand. I loved her
accent and always felt at ease in her presence.

On my report cards she didn't give me low marks in the
class participation section. I can still remember the
relief I felt...even more, I felt proud of myself.

Knowing that a teacher was OK with my personality the way
it already was gave me significantly more confidence.

Accepting yourself for who you are...rather than for who
you wish you were...is a necessary first step toward
becoming more confident.

It's nice when at least a few people in your life can help
give you a boost, like my teacher did.

But even if they don't, remember that people only have as
much power over you as you let them.

Don't give your power to others.

See yourself as significant and worthy.

You're as good as anyone else.

So how's the story? You are as good as anyone else! just believe it.. my advice here is maybe you should believe that you can do something better than anyone else! Like Mohamad Ali words,' I'm The King Of the World' why he said so each time he won a match? just to boost his spirit and confidence.

Dealing With Your Over Sensitive Friend

I have discussed about over sensitive person and how to deal with your own emotional sensitivity. What if, you are not over sensitive but may be your friend, partner, parent or people that important to you are over sensitive? As i told you over sensitive persons are fragile and must ' handle with care', they may not beat you if you not handle them with care( hurt them) this is because most of over sensitive person hate physical approach or violence very much. One fact that you should know that their emotional wound are hard to be healed, they may hate you for a long time, may be forever if they are an extreme over sensitive person;)
If you have an over sensitive partner and you didn’t get the idea that he is over sensitive many problems may arise, and this relation could even end up with your partner being broken.

If you want to win the over sensitive person as a friend or if you want to keep your relation going on with your over sensitive partner then follow these guidelines whenever you communicate with him/her:

• never be harsh: the over sensitive will do his best to avoid harsh people, if you do shout a lot or if you are a little violent in dealing with people then make sure that you wont get along with the over sensitive.

• make minimal critic comments: well I didn’t say avoid criticism at all because I know that sometimes it becomes a must however do your best not to be constantly criticising the over sensitive person, the more you criticize him the more he will avoid you.
• never use physical violence: when it comes to violence in physical activities the over sensitive will not only do his best to avoid you but he may hate you too, even if this violence were some sort of kidding still the over sensitive hates using hands or legs even when playing.
• be a nurturing partner: the more kind and nurturing you will be the more you will be loved by the over sensitive person.
• be more Romantic: the over sensitive thinks with his emotions when it comes to relationships, the more romantic you become the more the over sensitive will love you.

How to know that your friend is an over sensitive person? Other than finding your partner getting annoyed frequently because of small causes and other than finding him hating criticism, he/she may excel in art or poetry.

Dealing With Your Emotional Sensitivity

How to deal with your emotional sensitivity? If you feel sad because your emotional sensitivity is causing you much pain in your life, you may get relieved to know that it's very easy to use the advantages of being overly sensitive while the same time increating barriers that can diminish the disadvantages of being over sensitive.

First of all, do you know that being overly sensitive makes you have the following:

• Increased empathy: have you ever felt sad without any apparent reason by just sitting with someone who was sad? do you feel depressed when just sitting beside a depressed person even if he didn't talk? Probably yes and this is because you have increased empathy, you can know how people around you feel without having them say that.Empathic ability is a normal ability that each human being have but the overly sensitive person have got much higher advantage in using this ability.
• You will experience happiness more than the normal person experiences it because emotions get deeper to you than other people
• Usually sensitive people are very creative and that what can make you excel in your career or even make you develop good habits like drawing or writing poetry. Lots of artist are sensitive people
• Experiencing religious related emotions may be higher for the sensitive person than its for people whom are not sensitive, this may cause the emotionally sensitive person to commits to religious activities,to become more connected to religion relative to others or even end up as a religious leader

All of the previous were the advantages you have as an emotionally sensitive person over others, now onto how to make your sensitivity have a minimal impact on your life:

• First of all know that the words that can hurt an emotionally sensitive person does not hurt unless he views those words as insulting, or as having the meaning that he is an unworthy person. So by changing your view of the criticism you receive can reduce your response much to being criticized. For example, when someone tells you that you didn't play well today at the match, this doesn't mean that you are a bad player, this doesn't mean you are a failure and this doesn't mean you are worthless! It's not the words that did hurt you, it's the meaning that you did tie to the words.
• This brings us to point two, what can cause your view of the criticism you receive to be that bad? Usually its your negative self talk, negative self talk are the words or the phrases that you use while thinking. example of negative self talk phrases are "I know why he said so, because I am a looser" or "I knew that I am not up to the standard that's why she told me so". Lacking self-confidence is one of the major factors that can make you have a negative self talk and so get hurt by anything that you hear. By building self confidence and changing your negative self talk, you won't be removing your sensitivity but instead you will be changing your perspective of what you hear and of criticism and so you won't get hurt.
• Giving up perfectionism, perfectionism is the way of thinking that considers life is perfect and that you should be perfect in turn, based on that you may think that all people should praise you, that everyone should say good and encouraging words to others, that everyone is kind .....etc. This kind of thinking causes you to get hurt whenever you find that life is not as you expected. Face the reality and know that perfectionism is a bad and unrealistic of thinking .
• Finally you can use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy(CBT ) to change your method of thinking and so avoid triggering your sensitivity. CBT is a method of therapy that is very easy to apply, it's based on the concept that your emotions are triggered because of your way of thinking and so by changing your thoughts you prevent triggering those unwanted emotions.(i had written on CBT last month, find it, very useful one)

i hope this article will help any over sensitive person out there, just believe in yourself and change the way of thinking and can be really helpful, i strongly suggested that you use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy(CBT) as it really easy and efficient.

Life Of An Over Sensitive Person

Over sensitive people are more likely to have bad moods, to get depressed and to be moody because their mode changes whenever any small event happen. An emotionally sensitive person is like a fragile person, or a person who is labeled "handle with care". The biggest problem is that people don't have enough knowledge sometimes to realize that they are dealing with an emotionally sensitive person and so they may cause him lots of pain without realizing this. A good thing that you can do in this case is to use the technique called "locking the emotions" in order to extend the periods of feeling happy. This technique is based on a realistic assumption which implies that a great number of mood swings happen simply because we tend to persistently search and dig until we find something that makes us feel bad. So, stop doing that.

In a relationship, Over sensitive people have hard time getting over the persons they loved simply because they feel the pain that results from a breakup in an exaggerated way. In my past articles about recover from break up i told you how small actions like stopping listening to romantic songs, burning the old pictures and preventing yourself from visiting the places you both used to go to together can help you recover fast even if you were an over sensitive person.

In daily life, over sensitive person may easily get emotional wound that is very difficult to be healed. For instance, if you tried to put some water on a fresh wound you will feel pain, that’s because when we develop a wound we tend to become over sensitive to factors that didn’t use to harm us before, And the same goes with emotional wounds, being rejected by people around you, lacking self confidence and having self image problems are all examples of unhealed wounds that can make you over sensitive to things that others just don’t notice.

However, there are still many good criterias for an over sensitive person that others should know, first he feels people’s suffering more than anyone else and so in most cases he tends to be a nice and friendly person. If you know how not to hurt a sensitive relationship partner then he will be a very good choice, emotionally sensitive people are the least problematic persons around. In addition, emotionally sensitive people usually have creative abilities which sometimes make them excel at arts or poetry.

In sum, There are many ways that can help you deal with your over sensitivity but most of them root to one source, changing your way of thinking and your perception of situations. After all if you are over sensitive you wont feel bad when being hurt unless you have perceived the situation that happened as a bad one, if you managed to change your way of thinking you will be able to reap the benefits of emotional sensitivity and avoid its drawbacks. i wish to discuss more about how to deal with your emotional sensitivity in my next article.

Over Sensitive person

people should know if they are over sensitive type of person, some people that i have known trying to pretend to be tough, but deep inside they are very sensitive emotionally. they got hurt easily, thats the fact. those people that emotionally sensitive have trained themselves, i praised them for that. you know what, i used to be very sensitive in the past but from time to time I'm getting tougher. that's always my mind that help me to overcome this. For all the people that emotionally sensitive, First you must realize and accept the fact that you are over sensitive, and that your over sensitivity is unwanted in your life. only by doing so you can be tougher then, as i told you so many times to overcome a problem you must know the reason first.

Some people do not realize that they are over sensitive, they thought their emotions are stable and normal. Let me help you to find if you are over sensitive or not, just answer the questions below;

• Do you get hurt by some words or comments that are told to you about your personality?
• are you unable to tolerate criticism?
• Do you hate loud noise or loud music?
• Do you feel other people's pain and suffering more than anyone else?
• Are you slim or your body is smaller in size than peers?
• Do you stop for more than three minutes when you see an accident on the street in order to watch?
• Do you find it very high to tolerate high or low temperatures?
• Do you find it very hard to gain muscles by working out?
• Do you have lots of mood swings as a result of small events?

If your answer were yes to some of the previous questions then probably you are an over sensitive person. The life of an over sensitive person is much different than the life of other people, simple because the over sensitive person feels the pain in an exaggerated way and so has problems tolerating it. the over sensitve person forms anchor faster than anybody else, for example if he had a real bad experience in a place than his hometown , after he gets back he may hate the place as a whole because in that case he anchored the pain he felt to the place.

A book that i read defined over sensitivity as being over affected by an external influence that can hardly affect normal people, for example not being able to tolerate Constructive criticism that other people normally tolerate.

i got a lot to share under this topic as sometimes to the extent of a frustrating event, i still got hurt easily.. need more training i guess;)

Relationship: Openness or Honesty?

In relationships, some people hide small details from their partners just because they didn’t ask them about it, or just because they think that it might not be important to them. Those people think that they are honest and that they are doing nothing wrong but the problem that happens is that they ruin their relationships without noticing that they are doing something wrong.

These people mistakenly confuse openness with honesty, thinking that they are the same thing. Honesty is saying the truth whenever their partner asked for it, openness is saying the truth without being asked for it. that's the differences between HONESTY and OPENNESS in a relationship.

i tell you how honesty alone will ruin your relationship;

1. When partners hide information from each other intimacy is lost
2. When partners hide information from each other the bond between them becomes weaker
3. When partners hide information from each other people can use it against them
4. When someone discovers that the other is hiding something it usually hurts him
5. If one of the partners faced a problem because of not being informed about some small details his partner knew earlier, he will accuse his partner of hiding information

how can openness strengthens the bond between you and your partner? it may prevent outsiders from influencing your relationship. Becoming open is so simple, just tell your partner about whatever you are feeling and whatever happened to you even If you think that it might bother him or that it might not be that important.

Sometimes, factors that ruin a relationship is not because you are not being honest, but your a not sharing everything with your partner.It might be hard, but as the time passes, i believe, you will discover the beauty of openness and the tremendous benefits that your relationship will gain.

What Is Self?

What is self?

Who are you?

What are you about?

What are your core values and beliefs?

What do you love to think about?

Self is who you are inside.

You have to understand this self.

If you don't understand your Self, how can you have faith in
yourself?

How will you have direction in your life?

If you don't fully understand yourself, there are
hundreds...maybe thousands...of messages hammering you each
day from media and the people in your life. These messages
will define you instead unless you understand yourself.

You want to reach your destination rather than be tossed
about like a ship without a sail.

Start taking time to get to know yourself.

Learn to enjoy your own company.

And...dare I say it...fall in love with yourself.

Then you will have the confidence that will carry you
forward.

So get to know your Self.

Sometimes outside encouragement is helpful.

Growing to your Maximum Potential; How?

many people that I've known didn't reach their true potential because they under estimate their own potential, as the result, the accept any decision about their performance as the best that they can do.

i have a story about how other people make your life stagnant and do not grow to your maximum potential. this story is for example only; the life of Epoi
When Epoi was 15, everyone told him that he would never get straight A's in PMR(our local exam) When he became 17, everyone told him that he won’t get excellent results in SPM and would never get a place in a college. When he reached 19, his friends told him that it’s almost impossible to find a good job. When he approached 21, his close friend told him that he will never be a millionaire and has to choose between his career and his hobby because no one can keep both together. And when he became 22 , another person told him that there is another thing that he cant do and when he became 23 the same happened, it kept happening as he kept growing.
Epoi now has very well defined limits for his, skills, abilities and potential. The only problem is that he never defined these limits; the people around him are the ones who defined them for him. His friends, His family and his colleagues limited his potential, by convincing him that he can’t do lots of things.

you can see, how many negative words use in the story, the words that actually make epoi didn't grow to reach his true potential.

I didn’t say that one person was bad enough to fill Epoi’s mind with all these false ideas, but what happened is, each person convinced him that he cannot do one thing And the result was thinking that he can’t do hundreds of things!!

Now you may be asking, what if those people were right?
What’s really funny is, when someone tells you that something is impossible, its usually because he couldn't do it himself. i got a lot of examples, but i know you can find them yourself. It goes like this, if someone failed to do something he will tell you that its impossible, And if someone was unhappy he will tell you that happiness is an illusion. Everyone talks about himself and thinks that its the real world. thats it!

So what im going to do? Stop letting people define your potential for you. you are the one that controll your ability not them. you can just ignore the words, or tell them that you believe can be better than them or just take their words as a challenge, thats what i always do.