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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Internet Addiction: Realize it or not?

Internet addiction disorder is relatively a new term that was supported by some parties and criticized by others. The point of the debate was whether internet addiction is really a disorder or just a habit of over using a new technology. However, we don’t really care about who is right, what we care about is letting you know why you overuse the internet and how to get over it.

Although we won't argue if internet addiction is really a disorder, you may still consider the following as symptoms of overuse or incorrect use of the internet:

  • You spend very long time on the internet
  • You may stay online in-spite of suffering bad consequences (e.g having no time to study or even losing your job)
  • You feel irritable when you try to reduce your use of internet
  • You stay online longer than what you planned
  • You depend on internet to get rid of bad moods

Why am I addicted to the internet?

Again there was a debate about that point, so what we will discuss here are some reasons that could result in overuse of the internet:

  • External dependency and internet addiction :just like any other addiction, external dependency is a big factor. It is the state of total dependence on an external factor in order to feel happy or to escape bad mood.
  • Internet addiction and the need for socializing: sometimes the real cause for internet addiction is just a real need for socializing, by way of chatting online excessively.
  • Internet addiction for means of escape: some people overuse the internet just to escape from their problems. Usually those people have other problems that they don’t want to face. Therefore, they use the internet in order to forget about them

The problem with internet addiction is that its not in the spot lights nor its regarded as dangerous as other types of addiction. This allows this type of addiction to escape unnoticed in most cases. The same happens with love addition which is being unable to live without a loving partner nor tolerating being alone as i discussed it before. People keep denying that they got addicted to internet or love when i told them, it is because most people do not realize that they are really having serious addiction. Why i'm writing this, because i feel that i almost addicted to the internet and i won't let it happen!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

How To Forget Someone That You Really Love? (final)

It took me three days to get over the worst ever and a week to recover fully. In the past, it used to take me about one or two months to recover from a breakup. Nothing has changed in this period of time, I am still the same person, I do still have feelings and my attitude towards relationships is almost the same, the only thing that has changed is my knowledge about relationships.

Understanding what makes a relationship healthy and what makes it "yet another relationship" is vital to the recovery process. Just like me, you can recover in few days if you understood the relationships facts that are not known to the most.

If I was to summarize all of the methods to getting over someone in three lines I would have said “Forget about what you saw in the movies, have realistic expectations to understand the difference between needing someone and loving someone and know that there is nothing called the one or the soul mate

There are lots of factors that interact together in such a way that they make quick recovery not possible. It all starts with an unmet need that the person needs to fulfill, maybe he is feeling lonely or missing warmth in his life, maybe his friend ignore him or maybe he misses love in his life, maybe he wants to proof to himself that he is worthy or maybe he just needs approval from his new lover. All unhealthy relationships start with such needs and then in the second step the media brainwashes people making them think that the solution to all of their problems lies in finding the so called “soul mate”.

If people have such a pattern of thinking then there is no wonder that they never recover quickly, if the soul mate is the solution to all problems and if they need him to satisfy their unmet needs but in the same time he is not there then how come will they recover??

By understanding the real need behind loving someone you may discover that you are in love with that person because of a personal that you are having and not because he is your soul mate. For example, if you found that you really needed that person because you were feeling lonely then the correct solution to getting over him is to deal with loneliness and not trying to get him back, Simply because you are not in love with him but you just need anyone to satisfy this unmet need of not feeling lonely.

I know what you are thinking of now, you are telling yourself "But no, if this was true then i could have fell in love with anyone, why him?". Of course you cant fall in love with anyone just because you are feeling lonely but instead you will fall in love with any guy who barely meets the criteria you have in your mind for your future partner (for more info click here)

Getting over someone is very simple but it just requires you to seek correct education about relationships so that you can fix your false beliefs about them. To summarize all of this, in order to recover in few days you need to change your beliefs about relationships by seeking proper education and you need to start a relationship only when you love the person and not when you have an unmet need that you want to satisfy.

Read all articles about recovering from break up and became stronger

How To Forget Someone That You Really Love? (part IV)

I can never forget about him…
He was the only one I ever loved that much…
I will never love someone else as I loved him…
I can never imagine myself being with someone else…
Do these phrases sound familiar? Have you been in that situation before?
If your answers are yes, then know that you were fooled and that you have been programmed to believe in the idea of “The one”.

The Myth of “The One”

Most romantic movies that you've seen, coupled with your imagination and lack of knowledge about the psychology of love have caused you to acquire a false idea about love, namely, thinking that there is something called “The One”. Everything that you see and hear programs your mind a bit and the more programming you receive about a certain idea, the more it's likely to eventually become a solid belief. This is exactly what happened with your idea about "The One". While reading this, you may find something inside you trying to resist the truth, but after looking at the following points you will realise that your belief was only an illusion.

Is the Concept of “The One” true?

  • Anyone could fill that role: What actually makes you think that this person was “The one” is the sweet experience that you had with him. This experience is associated with that person and stored in your mind as one item, and so you think of both the experience and the person as one thing but actually they are two separate things. If you still aren't convinced, just wait and see what happens the next time you fall in love with someone and share that same sweet experience together. You will just forget about your old love and this new person will become the new "one".
  • How many "ones" did you have before?: Just take a look at your past and you will discover that each time you fell in love you thought that this person was the one, that whatever happened you wouldn't be able to forget about him and that you won't be able to find someone like him again. What usually happens is that a few months later someone else appears in your life and becomes “the one” and so life goes on.
  • The psychology of falling in love: As I said before, before you fall in love with someone your mind matches him against certain predefined criteria, if anyone matches these criteria you may end up falling in love wih him, but just because someone matched these criteria once and became “The one”, that doesn't mean that no one else can match it. What this actually signifies is that this person is currently the best match but sooner or later a better match could be found.
  • Is this your first deep love experience? : If this is your first deep love experience, you will most probably believe in that false idea called “The one” more strongly simply because you have never experienced that emotional intensity with someone else before. In that case, you're not really to blame if you thought that he was the one, but the next time you enter a relationship, you will discover that it was the emotional intensity and not the person himself whom you loved.

Don’t Allow Someone to Program You

Why do you allow the media and people to program you? Why don’t you filter out these hundreds of programming messages you receive on a daily bases? Believing in the ideas that you see in movies like Sweet November or the ideas that you listen to in songs like the song my immortal will only make you suffer. It will slow down your recovery after break-ups and may keep you trapped forever. Isn’t it the time to start discovering the real truth instead of falling a prey to common myths?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

How To Forget Someone That You Really Love? (part III)

You were walking down the street, nothing was unusual and then suddenly she came out from a nearby shop and it happened that you fell in love with her at first sight! Huhh!! What happened?!!
The answer is simple, its all related to how your mind works. If you are single or currently not involved in a relationship, your mind will always be on a hunt for your long awaited partner, even if you think that you don't care about that now, if someone did match your criteria then you will fall in love with them. In order to forget someone that you really love you must understand the main reasons for people falling in love. i have discussed this in my previous article, read it here.

Does love comes straightly from our heart? no, it comes from our mind and when it involves mind that means we still can control it. when a person get dumped by his/her partner, terrible feeling can't be avoided. we can't forget someone that we spending years of our life time just in 3 days as i said before, but we can accept the truth and no longer feel terrible by understanding more about love and break up and change our way of thinking. If we really want then we will surely can;) In my articles i will not give same old tips that people keep telling you in order to forget someone/recover from break up such as; spending more time with your friends, stop listening to sad song, keep busy, or express your feeling by crying.. bla bla etc. i guess all of you know that and so do i, but it still take a long time for me to fully recover.

In this 3rd article i will tell you a shocking reality that most of us may not be aware of, LOVE IS LIKE DRUG, it makes people addicted to it and that's why most of us hard to recover when experiencing a break up. Do you believe me? urmm, why people keep taking drug once they tried it? it is because they do not like their normal state of feeling.. and when they got 'high or stone' they feel relief and be more happy. isn't it? Love will do the same for you. Once you in a relationship you will be happy in that relationship and when you get dumped you will feel sad, terrible, dissapointed, angry etc just like a drug addict when they dont get their doses;) however, i guess love/relationship addiction is the safest addiction.

why do i get addicted to the relation?

Getting addicted to a relationship involves getting addicted to any of the following items:

  • Getting addicted to the chemical Phenylethylamine (PEA) which is the chemical generated when experiencing love and it’s the chemical responsible for the feelings of excitement you feel when you are in a relation. being down or having problems makes the PEA tastes so sweet and so you can easily get addicted to it. Doesn't it sound like drugs?;)
  • getting addicted to the nurturing you are receiving from your partner (finding someone who cares about you, asks about you …etc)
  • getting addicted to exchanging phrases like "I love you" or "i cant live without you"
It's my story and what i have understand about love but by understanding this i only need one day to accept a break up, 3days to get over her and 1 week to fully recover tho i'd been spending three years loving her. If you want to recover from break up faster too, you need not to apply all the same old tips that people told you. believe me, I've tried them and they didn't work. what you must do is read all my articles about forget someone that you love and change your perspectives of love and break up;)

p/s: If you want to forget someone, you must really really want to forget him/her. Throw or delete all the things that reminds you about her. but if you think there are still chances to work out again, you may try. Gud Luck!

Hard life Simple mind.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

How To Forget Someone That You Really Love? (part II)

I'd passed my first day greatly, so here i want to share what i have understood about break up. Just by understanding this i can accept the break up..positively, no more denying, just believe the truth.The following lines will open your eyes to facts that you may not have been aware of before. After you understand them, you will discover that getting dumped may not be that bad at all.

What most people do when they are dumped is that they start to search for a logical explanation or a reason for what happened. Unfortunately this usually leads them to searching for and finding something wrong within themselves and this serioulsy damages their self-confidence. Usually, the main reason behind feeling bad after a break-up is a lack of self confidence. After all, if you were sure that you are a great person who doesn’t deserve to be dumped, you wouldn't have related rejection to a problem within yourself. Instead, you would've found another explanation for it. There are two main reasons people fall in love, and these also be the main reasons for a break up.

  • Love and compensation: The person who dumped you is just a human who is governed by the rules that govern all other humans. One of the main reasons that makes this person fall in love is to compensate for some of her own weaknesses; For instance, if you loved someone who is a methodical thinker, he may dump you if you were very similar to him simply because he may want someone more spontaneous and creative to compensate for his rigid way of thinking. Thus, although you are smart and intelligent, you were still dumped because your partner needs to compensate for his weaknesses and not because you are bad. In long distance relationship, its hard to compensate each other. if she loves to meet, talking and doing things together and he no longer available. she will easily get bored because he no longer compensate her needs. So if you think that the person you fell in love with is superior then wake up and realise that all humans have unmet needs that they need to compensate for, the only difference is that it may not be that visible for some of them.
  • His/Her unconscious criteria: In 'Psychology Of Falling In Love' stated that everyone has subconscious criteria for choosing people he falls in love with . This means that if someone didn’t fit these criteria, the person can never really love the other person even if he was the greatest ever. If one of these criteria was something like “she must be cute, big eyes, slim, blond etc" and you don't fit that, you might get dumped even though there's really nothing wrong with you! We all have unconscious criteria that have been set to our subconscious mind. Some of us may not realize it, but its there. If you fell in love many times before, so you can tell that the girls that you fell for have some physical similarities. however, the criterias may change as your life change but most of them will remain.

The conclusion we can make from all of this is that you could get dumped for many reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you. In a book ' how to get over someone?' the writer used this concept a lot by convincing the readers that they weren't dumped because of not being worthy or because of being unneeded. The effect was so powerful. Now, i feel very great and even feel pity for the other person who is just searching blindly for a way to compensate for his flaws instead of someone who would really be a dedicated and loving partner. Most importantly, be confident and know your own strengths. If you become confident enough, being dumped won't have any effect on you. 3days will enough for me to accept the break up and start forgetting her, in a week i will get my life back and fully recover;)

Monday, January 5, 2009

How To Forget Someone That You Really Love? (part I)

People said, "Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop."But are tears enough to chase away the pain of a break up?Most of us have been there. Some of us are there. And for sure, many of us will be there in the future. When the person you are in love with suddenly leaves you, you may think that your whole identity is shattered, and that you will never recover from the pain - but keep in mind, the sun will rise again, sooner or later.

After my first break up, i read a lot of articles about psychology of love. I understand that, its not our heart that control love but our mind. But i do not really believe in this until i experienced my second break up recently. Actually i'm still in the break up process. After my first break up, i got really disappointed, sad and painful, it drove me almost crazy. But i did not hate her, instead i decided to get her back because i believed that all the bad things that happened were my fault. That was my mistake. I managed to get her back and i believed confidently that she will never leave me again. i was wrong, tho' i did my best she still went away for that second time. It is worse than the first even i keep pretending that i'm ok with it. i tried to get her back for a couple of weeks and it was making me feel more terrible. Now, i decided to forget her! besides, there are a lot of girls waitin for me out there;)

I give my self three days to accept positively what had happened and a week to fully recover. I wrote my story above as the first step to accept this break up. Then i will go through break up recovery process.Read the process here in my previous article: Recover from break up.

In my next Article i will continue to write about this. I believe that as i continue writing about this i can help many people out there that still wasting time crying for nothing; and for my self, i really hope 3days will be enough for me;)

Friday, January 2, 2009

what was your fault?

I know how it feels when you put high hopes on someone then you get disappointed.
I know how painful it is to lose all of your hopes in one second or in single moment.
I know how can a relation be to someone before its just lost that way.

But do you know why did you get disappointed in such relationship? You got disappointed because you were confident, you got disappointed because you thought that you deserve what you were going after, you got disappointed because you were having good expectations, you thought she/he will always be there for you. You got hurt because you were very confident that all the things that your partner promised you is true. you feel stupid because you believed she/he more that your own self. what was your fault that cause you to suffer all the pains? Over Confident.

Just think of it, in case that you were one hundred percent sure that you won’t get it, would you have felt disappointed? Off course not, only the confident gets disappointed in relationships.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

How to deal with a stubborn person

It has been a long time since my last up date, almost 2 months. Actually i always work during my semester holiday but this time because of the world economic crisis may be, it was hard for me to find a job. i just spending most of my times watching TV and reading. Those books that i'd read were very interesting, i will share what i had learned later. Here, i will continue to talk about dealing with difficult people. Stubborn people!

Sometimes its good to be stubborn depend on the situation and intention. but being extremely stubborn, selfish and ignore others feeling is bad. i got a story to tell here, it always happens!

While Ali was working hard on an assignment due in two days, he got a call from one of his friends on his cell phone. As he was really busy but about to finish the assignment, he decided not to answer now and call his friend back in ten or fifteen minutes.

A moments later, Ali's mobile started ringing again: it was the same friend calling. Ali didn’t reply for the second time too. When his friend called for the third time, Alli switched his cell phone off without replying and decided that he would not answer anyone else's phone calls for the rest of the day.

Although Ali finished the assignment 10 minutes later, he decided to keep his phone switched off so as not to allow anyone to call him!!! But wasn’t he intending to call his friend after he finishes his assignment? Even though that was true in the beginning, his friend's insistence on calling him triggered Ali's stubbornness and so he decided not to answer calls for the entire day!!

A stubborn person is someone who refuses to change his mind about an idea or an action that he is about to take. He also refused to give a clear explanation or reason for his resistance. The main aim of including the above story is to show you that a stubborn person may not always be stubborn, but there are things that could trigger his stubbornness and so cause him to become even more fixed on his own point of view while refusing to even consider someone else's.

In a book i read, there are 3 main reasons for a person being stubborn. While the following reasons can possibly make someone behave stubbornly in certain situations, there are also people who are stubborn by nature and so would resist change regardless of the situation.

  • Defending his idea: Some people tend to feel that if their ideas are abandoned, then they are unimportant!! They identify themselves with their ideas and so feel that their identity will be threatened if people aren’t convinced by what they are saying.
  • Feeling that people are taking his opinion for granted: Some people tend to think that other's take their approval or consent for granted and so they try to hold on to opposing opinions just to have themselves taken into consideration even if they were convinced that what they're saying isn't right.
  • Having a reason that he can't reveal: Sometimes a stubborn person may have a strong reason for refusing to change his mind but be prevented from declaring this reason out of shyness or any other compelling reason.
In How To Influence People, the author stated very simple ways to deal with this types of people, simply by:

  • Don’t keep insisting and be flexible. As you saw in the above story, insisting may result in a counter-productive effect.
  • Try to understand the reason behind that person’s stubbornness and encourage him to speak honestly since after all, he may have a point.
  • Every now and then make him feel that you are taking his opinions into consideration.

Everyone hates how stubborn people refuse to give up their ideas or intentions. If you are a stubborn person, try to provide a convincing reason for refusing to change your mind and if you don't, gracefully admit that you were wrong.

I got a good tip here, if you were in a relationship with a stubborn person then by just triggering his stubbornness you can motivate him to love you more. By just telling him that people think that your relationship will end soon he will do his best to prove them wrong and so he will love you more.;)

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