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Tuesday, January 6, 2009

How To Forget Someone That You Really Love? (part II)

I'd passed my first day greatly, so here i want to share what i have understood about break up. Just by understanding this i can accept the break up..positively, no more denying, just believe the truth.The following lines will open your eyes to facts that you may not have been aware of before. After you understand them, you will discover that getting dumped may not be that bad at all.

What most people do when they are dumped is that they start to search for a logical explanation or a reason for what happened. Unfortunately this usually leads them to searching for and finding something wrong within themselves and this serioulsy damages their self-confidence. Usually, the main reason behind feeling bad after a break-up is a lack of self confidence. After all, if you were sure that you are a great person who doesn’t deserve to be dumped, you wouldn't have related rejection to a problem within yourself. Instead, you would've found another explanation for it. There are two main reasons people fall in love, and these also be the main reasons for a break up.

  • Love and compensation: The person who dumped you is just a human who is governed by the rules that govern all other humans. One of the main reasons that makes this person fall in love is to compensate for some of her own weaknesses; For instance, if you loved someone who is a methodical thinker, he may dump you if you were very similar to him simply because he may want someone more spontaneous and creative to compensate for his rigid way of thinking. Thus, although you are smart and intelligent, you were still dumped because your partner needs to compensate for his weaknesses and not because you are bad. In long distance relationship, its hard to compensate each other. if she loves to meet, talking and doing things together and he no longer available. she will easily get bored because he no longer compensate her needs. So if you think that the person you fell in love with is superior then wake up and realise that all humans have unmet needs that they need to compensate for, the only difference is that it may not be that visible for some of them.
  • His/Her unconscious criteria: In 'Psychology Of Falling In Love' stated that everyone has subconscious criteria for choosing people he falls in love with . This means that if someone didn’t fit these criteria, the person can never really love the other person even if he was the greatest ever. If one of these criteria was something like “she must be cute, big eyes, slim, blond etc" and you don't fit that, you might get dumped even though there's really nothing wrong with you! We all have unconscious criteria that have been set to our subconscious mind. Some of us may not realize it, but its there. If you fell in love many times before, so you can tell that the girls that you fell for have some physical similarities. however, the criterias may change as your life change but most of them will remain.

The conclusion we can make from all of this is that you could get dumped for many reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you. In a book ' how to get over someone?' the writer used this concept a lot by convincing the readers that they weren't dumped because of not being worthy or because of being unneeded. The effect was so powerful. Now, i feel very great and even feel pity for the other person who is just searching blindly for a way to compensate for his flaws instead of someone who would really be a dedicated and loving partner. Most importantly, be confident and know your own strengths. If you become confident enough, being dumped won't have any effect on you. 3days will enough for me to accept the break up and start forgetting her, in a week i will get my life back and fully recover;)


amalin said...

yes..agree with u.
and one more thing,forgive and forget and live with the fact sometimes its good to be single.

thenoenkz said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator. said...

I don't believe in being dumped. When mutual love does not happen, it's purely because we are not suitable for a life-long relationship. After all, married couples are to build up one another in the most holy relationship and not merely for any sentimental reasons. Love is forever because it forgives, forgets, and continue to uphold one another in whatever situation. Infatuation may stay for awhile, but true love lasts forever.

Marilynne said...

Hey! Getting dumped is part of life. Hold your head high and your ego strong. You are still a good person and someone will come along soon to help you forget.


Lea said...

Nice post with a lot of insight. Wish I had someone around to tell me that fifteen years ago, it would have made things a little easier for me. Takes time to gain that kind of wisdom on your own.

Thank you for sharing and have a good evening

Michelle said...

Thanks for the insight. My friend just went through a break up and is in bad shape. It's always a tough time when this happens. Thanks for stopping by.

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